Perspective: Negative.

If I work on my days off I feel like I haven't had any time off. I I don't work on my days off my life falls apart. Not that I just polished off half a glass of water or anything.

Off Kilter-riffic

I have a feeling that our constant communal need to preserve our dignity may be a huge hindrance when it comes to living our lives to the fullest. Generally, when we feel compelled to do something significant, there is some risk to our dignity in carrying out whatever the task may be. And so, paralleled with this feeling of being compelled to do something, we feel at the same time compelled to maintain our dignity. And maintaining all of one's dignity may help save face, but chances are it won't give yield much of a thrill or any real sense of accomplishment at the end of one's life.

If there's something I've observed in people in my 27 years of life so far, it's that the people who seem to have no shame about their actions (whatever those actions may be) and come off as a little bit off kilter, tend to be living the fullest lives, and tend to be the most authentic, and ultimately fulfilled, people I know.

tea

I like to add a little cold water to my boiling hot tea. I think it makes it a little more accessible.

Work

I've been finding that when I have multiple days off from work in a row, each day I progressively find myself feeling happier and more optimistic about life. I really start seeing all the possibilities that my life has to offer, and although I don't WANT to go back to work at this point, I feel wonderful and optimistic, like I can handle anything, even my often very frustrating (when it's not completely mundane) job. And then even after just one day back at work, my mood and positive attitude start to slip. My excitement about the next spate of days off starts to wane and everything seems depressing again. And then by the time I'm faced with another day off, it's sort of wasted because work's put me in such a negative headspace. And then the next day is better, and then it's back to work. And the cycle continues.

To quote Charles Bukowski: (with a slight gender alteration):

"The thought of sitting in front of a man behind a desk and telling him that I wanted a job, that I was qualified for a job, was too much for me. Frankly, I was horrified by life, at what a man had to do simply in order to eat, sleep, and keep himself clothed. So I stayed in bed and drank. When you drank the world was still out there, but for the moment it didn't have you by the throat."

Ducks

I am finding it fairly impossible to get all my ducks in a row. Every time I place one, there's one walking away from the row because someone threw some bread, another one settling down to go to sleep, and just constant quacking everywhere. I really do believe that people who have all their ducks in a row have just sedated the ducks, or their ducks are actually robots, because you can't just line life up like that.

Musings on Interpersonal Relations

Sometimes I'm not sure where the line is between polite normalcy when you don't know someone very well, and establishing a false sense of actually BEING that normal person. At what point is it safe to let out my real personality? Do it too soon, and you might end up giving the impression that you're crazy, rather than quirky. If only we could skip the formalities and just be who we are from the very beginning.

Of Spring and Waking Up

There is something really refreshing about a long (3 hours) midday nap. Waking up at 4 sort of feels like a natural second time to wake up. Also refreshing is the cool (temperature) spring wind and shower storm that is going on outside my window and gently blowing around the room. Oh, whoops, the rain is coming into the room, maybe I'd better close the window. Maybe. Maybe not.